one or the other

Madison Peace Coalition, originally uploaded by McBeth.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

-- Robert Heinlin

coordination

green balloon, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Physicists have determined that even the most solid and heavy mass of matter we see is mostly empty space. But at the submicroscopic level, specks of matter scattered through a vast emptiness have such incredible density and weight, and are linked to one another by such powerful forces, that together they produce all the properties of concrete, cast iron and solid rock. In much the same way, specks of knowledge are scattered through a vast emptiness of ignorance, and everything depends upon how solid the individual specks of knowledge are, and on how powerfully linked and coordinated they are with one another.

-- Thomas Sowell

there is only one you

in passing, originally uploaded by McBeth.

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.

-- Martha Graham

relentlessly melting

the springing of hope, originally uploaded by McBeth.

To take a photograph is to participate in another person's mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time's relentless melt.

-- Susan Sontag

chaff and grain

bison breath, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.

--George Eliot

Left versus Right, revisited

Several months ago I wrote about my frustration with right-handed products created with little consideration for left-handed application. I drank a can of V-8 tomato juice two days ago and, while I did, I had a sense that there was some sort of pernicious righty-lefty issue with my refreshing beverage but it wasn’t until a full day later until I figured out what it was.

Take a peek.

This first image is of the can as you might see it were you holding the can in your right hand. The opening on the can’s top in the image is similar to where it would be positioned if you had the can in your right hand all ready to take a slug.

The V-8 logo and visual imagery are positioned on the side of the can such that the consumer will more likely have visual connection with image and logo each time the can is raised to the mouth. "Oh, lookit how great I am, all drinking this delicious and nutritious V-8!" There is also a greater likelihood that anyone standing in front of or to the general left of the consumer will also get an eyeball full of logo and product placement. YOU AREN’T AWARE OF IT YET, BUT JUST LIKE YOUR FRIEND IS DOING RIGHT NOW, YOU’LL SOON WANT TO DRINK THIS BEVERAGE.

In contrast, let’s look at the left-handed V-8 drinker’s perspective:

What a left-handed person would see while raising the can to his lips is this inside section of the same can. The ingredients list. The parent company information.

Hang on, hang on, I need a moment to collect myself. Terribly exciting stuff here. What? You don’t say! I notice in the information panel and the bar code section here that the Campbell Soup Company is located in Camden, NJ! No kidding- Camden? Whyyy just the other day I was thinking about Newark, which is located in New Jersey, which is the same state that CAMDEN is in! What are the odds?!

Okay, so to be fair I will give a ^5 to Campbell Soup Company’s advertising design department for having such consideration for their left-handed consumers that they’d consider us valuable enough to let us in on the important special product details. Unless you’re standing to the right side of a right-handed V-8 drinker it’d probably take you a while to figure out that this delicious thick tomato beverage has been Pasteurized for Premium Quality, and if you ARE the right-handed V-8 consumer you’re in dangerous lack of information territory, pal. “The picture I get to see each time I tip the can to my lips is pretty and all”, you think to yourself, “but is this beverage safe to drink? How can I tell if it is a premium quality beverage?”

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s okay. You’re right, I could be overreacting, yes. But if there’s really nothing to it, then why didn’t the can ad design team line up the sipping hole with the logo, or opposite it?

Mmhmm. Thass' what I thought.

early thaw

melted gold, originally uploaded by McBeth.

The ripple of lake sounds, like intimacies breathed
twinkle by sparkling twinkle
in my ear this morning
ebb twisting itself over flow…

You above me
In front of me
behind me rocking
looking at all of me, your early morning repast
hungry shore birds, in fluttering anticipation

You, formidable glacier,
dripping dripping
drop
melting, streaming off
warm flesh melts
awakens and eddies
condenses to rejoin with me,
warm flesh, waiting all those frost-suspended months
downstream

sweating, revealing
robustly starting,
sharing
claiming, continuing,
given to wanting
giving in to being wanted.

Lazily paddling your finger oar
in circles
through reedy lowlands
to the clearing
deep and wide
on the other side
of oh yes

Lap longingly
bid me dive
unclothed and carefree
into the first fervid waters
of the new season

gymboree

I talked myself out of going to the gym Friday.
I did the same thing Saturday.

Yesterday afternoon I dressed in my fat-squishing, supposedly slimming black lycra and spandex blend gym leggings, along with the rest of the accoutrement. I had a feeling that my disappointment in myself for not having exercised the previous two days would have more of an effect if I was dressed in the official gym attire.

Before I convinced myself to get out of the house and take myself in my fat containment pants to the appropriate place, I simply HAD to wash two loads of laundry, clean the litter boxes, wash a sinkful of dishes and it was imperative that I tidy up my bedroom, but eventually it worked.
I went.

A starchy crisp power broker business looking woman approached a machine I sat my gloves and towel down on. She looked ticked off, flipping her head back and forth in a 'okay, whose stuff is this, gedditouddahere NOW' gesture. I was standing on the other side of the machine not sure how she couldn't see me right there.

Her: Are these your things?
Me: Yes.
Her: Well were you using this machine?
Me: I am, yes. Currently, in fact. Right now. Using the machine. I mean, I picked up that tipped-over bottle of disinfectant over there, but yes I am going to use the machine now.
Her: (harrumph)

Her persnickety crab appleness kinda cracked me up; her harrumphing and stomping must work for her elsewhere, but not so much with me who was thinking 'suit yourself. harrumph until the cows come home, sister'. But then she didn't leave. She stayed planted, watched me, waited. Near the end of my first set (12 reps) I guessed she thought I wasn't doing things fast enough because she harrumphed and power broker walked away. Set 2, somewhere around the 9th rep she returned to stare while she waited. Because *I* know I do three sets *I* knew I was about to take a 2 minute break before my last set. She, however, did not know this and seemed displeased when I didn't hand the machine over to her immediately. She stood and stared at me the entire last set. I wiped down the machine with disinfectant spray and as I did that I felt a horribly itchy temptation to say something biting and snotty to power broker lady. When my mouth opened I was surprised to hear 'THANK YOU. for being patient. I APPRECIATE it' come out. (hunh? how'd that slip out?)

Not 15 minutes later I approached a big weird contraption that has pulleys attached on one end to hand grips and on the other end, to the weights. I looked around, nobody there, no personal items there -- not being used, I decided. Hopped on, finished the first set and stopped to take the 2 minute break, at which time a big shouldery guy, wearing on long chains, two outlandishly large Star of David pendants that clanked together when he moved, approached.

Him: you done here?
Me: mm, nope.
Him: oh. well I was using this machine.
Me: when?
Him: just now. I was using this machine. It's okay, it's okay, no problem.
Me: I'm not sure I understand. When I first got here I saw no personal items and no people at it. I took that to mean the machine was available. Did I misinterpret?
Him: oh (heh heh), I vary my routine by doing multiple sets at different machines. I was just here, then (gesturing) I went over there, now I'm back here for my next set.
Me: Oh.
Him: So whaddaya say we trade off? You can do your next set, then I'll do mine.
Me: What?
Him: (repeats)
Me: (silent pause for puzzlement) Um, okay, I guess? I don't understand what could be so incredibly urgent that you cannot wait 5 minutes for me to finish, but I guess it's not a big deal.

We took turns, him first. He looked smug, plugging the pin into the very highest peg available between the weights. I'm sure he was lifting like 6 jillion pounds, which honestly would have been impressive but for the fact that his form was crappy and he didn't do the reps slowly enough. (because I'm such a gym rat that I can justify standing in judgment of others?) Oh, and that he was a pushy ass. That didn't help. Lots of show, little substance, I figured.

When he finished he did a big 'wow, wasn't I just fabulous hefting all that weight' whhheewwwwww exhale and didn't bother disinfecting the equipment after he'd finished. I can only assume he thought he was being helpful by resetting the pin to where I'd had it set, but he was wrong, plugged it into the '20 pounds' peg when I'd been pulling 50 pounds. I smiled and thanked him, then put the pin in the appropriate 'hey, I'm a girl but I am way stronger than THAT' peg. Jerk.

A while later I changed into my swimsuit in the locker room, puzzling over both encounters, wondering if there was some philosophical lesson I should have taken from them.
I mostly hoped that both had left the building.

I laughed out loud upon entering the pool area: both of the pushy shovey crabbertons were suited up and walking slow laps against the current in the oval shaped resistance pool - the one thing I'd set my sights on starting with. Okay, haha Universe, boy howdy, that was a good one. I get the picture. I can start somewhere else. I GET it.

The rest went alright.

Protected Witness

intimacy, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Jane's daddy hurt her terribly
He was a nervous sneaky man,
drunken and smelling of sweaty Old Spice.
So she sometimes has to relieve the pressure of
her childhood sins
by slipping away from us
sneaking off to smash her head against hard things
like bloodied brick walls
or by sticking 64 safety pins underneath the skin of her pale forearms.
See, Daddy? I am worthy. I am.
Jesus thinks so.

Estella speaks little English,
her roommate knows only 'mi casa es su casa'.
But the silent language of tears
translates easily to me over our cans of Sprite and packets of crackers
when Estella's purse tips,
and Bethany's cray pas art therapy project is discovered,
the unexplained stardusting of delicate shreds,
along with the rotting reeking remains of
dozens of snitched breakfast items.

David is unable to open up during group
His old girlfriend has just been admitted, he whispers.
And though he's been informed she is on the locked ward
He knows she will eventually be free to roam
on this side of the steel door.
He worries he might harm her
Again,
when he is absent.

Slightly stooped Michael has established
his supremacy over the night.
Overrated unnecessary sleep, ha!
He paces the halls in great loops
remarking as he passes the very beautiful girl
seated in the smoking room
who Joe DiMaggio did well to marry.
Every other lap he winks twice, alternating eyes
one lid bowing cavalierly to Joe's gal, the other to me,
as he turns the corner,
resuming his judicious unraveling of string theory
shoelace by shoelace.

Esther's hands shake absurdly
Jell-O tumbles from the cheap white plastic spoon
cruel green globs dribble down her shirt.
'This is no way to live', she keens to no one in particular.
From the nurse's station, I see dark eyes raise.
Reminders that her food tray will be reviewed
rated
assessed
counted
tabulated,
along with her vocalizations,
and sleep patterns,
and her appearance,
and her cooperation,
and the latest in expressed suicidal ideations,
Compiled into what she will eventually choose to label
'The test I could not pass'.

In the day room
Jesus just broke the D string
of his beloved battered vintage Gibson,
strumming with all his gusto.
I'd hoped to play a quiet hand of Solitaire but could not find a full deck anywhere,
so I gave up my game,
Instead, settling in to watch the presentation.
Jesus' forehead furrows into uncharacteristic grooves --
'I ain't gonna study war no more', he wails.
His swaying groupies know about faith,
Their eyes closed,

They believe.

spring cleaning

As you may already have noticed, I am cleaning house here.

I gave the old blog layout a good long try and while I did like a few things, I just couldn't get myself entirely comfortable with it. I wasn't thrilled with the single column format. I really didn't like having my links -along with everything else- wayyyy down at the bottom of the page. I'm still on the hunt for a free easy-to-use photoblog template for this phlog and would be glad to hear about your experiences using them, if applicable.

If you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a comment, please tell me what you do like about this new template and/or what you're not so crazy about.

namaste, over n' out.

Buddhas

batchabuddhabellies, originally uploaded by McBeth.

The Buddhas do but tell the way; it is for you to swelter at the task.

--Buddha

binding

eat your way out, originally uploaded by McBeth.

If all our happiness is bound up entirely in our personal circumstances it is difficult not to demand of life more than it has to give.

-- Bertrand Russell

refill

fillerup, originally uploaded by McBeth.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

-- Emo Phillips

ch-ch-chaaanges

'tis I, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Getting older means coming to friendly terms with all the things I'm no longer able to do with the grace and ease of my earlier years.

I've recognized my advancing age in the laugh lines that don't stop smiling even after the rest of my face has. I believe this is not very funny, but it's true, there, and appears to be setting up house, so I can either resentfully bitch about it or I can find a way to appreciate the shift. I'm still working on the acceptance bit, but I trust that it will be the best place for me. I believe it is worth working toward.

fate of a nation

moving toward , originally uploaded by McBeth.

In the century now dawning, spirituality, visionary consciousness, and the ability to build and mend human relationships will be more important for the fate and safety of this nation than our capacity to forcefully subdue an enemy. Creating the world we want is a much more subtle but more powerful mode of operation than destroying the one we don't want.


-- Marianne Williamson

seeing clearly

melted gold, originally uploaded by McBeth.

The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something and tell what it saw in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see. To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion, all in one.

--John Ruskin

there's got to be something

trunkcicles, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Life is not easy for any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted in something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.

-- Marie Curie

constraints

hung up, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Whether we like it or not, each of us is constrained by limits on what we can do and feel. To ignore these limits leads to denial and eventually to failure. To achieve excellence, we must first understand the reality of the everyday, with all its demands and potential frustrations.

-- Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

do you know jack?

orange you fond of pink?, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

-- Jack Handey

betwix and between

the familiar unfamiliar, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Between two worlds life hovers like a star, twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge.

-- Lord Byron