08 April 2006

my deepest parts, revealed

I know, I know ... it's a little forward of me, stripping my eyeballs naked like this for you and gosh, we've only know one another for how long? But there's something about you that makes me want to remove everything between us; something that compels me to show you my inner workings.

Welcome to my right retina.

That pinpoint of light there in the middle? That's my optical nerve. You didn't know the half of it when you thought to yourself 'well, she sure does have a lot of nerve doesn't she?', now did you. That there is one slap-dip-dappy hippity-hop-happy optical nerve, yessireebob.

The little red lines? Those are blood vessels. The green glow? My eyes always glow neon green when I'm mad ~ y'know, like The Hulk.

Fine. Quit looking at me like you don't believe me. That green glow, I believe is the reflection from the Optoscan machine.

And please let me introduce you to my favorite left retina. You might say 'Oh come now, you only HAVE one left retina' and my friend, you would be correct. That is part of the reason, in fact, why it is my favorite. Hello there, little left optical nerve!

See the fissure-looking things on the image? They're mostly vertical, only a few, and mostly to the right side of the photo ... those are my own very special congenital anomalies of the eye called myelination*.

Oooh, it just makes me feel all special and tingly inside!

If your optometrist offers the Optomap Ultra-widefield Retinal Imaging, try it out. I understand that many U.S. insurance companies do not pay for the cost of the scans (US $32 for both eyes) but I can see *get it? see? Bwahaha* a great deal of sense in just ponying up for the scan. If the scan does reveal an optical issue then insurance should probably pay for the scan thereafter ("hey, s/he has a real and verifiable condition, now we gotta pay to monitor this thing") and if it doesn't reveal any weirdness then all the better for you! If you have a family history of some disease that can affect the eyes (hello, diabetes anyone?) this seems like a swell way to keep a closer and more complete check on what's going on way deep in there, even if YOU don't have the disease/diagnosis. Preliminary self-help and health care seems far more sensible an idea than band-aiding a bullet wound if you know what I mean.

And judging from the new and improved prescription in the new fairly ugly glasses I picked up yesterday, it makes sense to me that my left eye with her sweet little congenital anomaly would require this new uber-strong lens if there are those nerve fibers hanging out in bulbous bulging formations inside the back of my eye where they're not exactly supposed to be. The left lens is much stronger now, to correct my crappy vision in that eye.

C'est ca. No really, it's all cool. I'm glad to have my glasses! I'm so relieved to be seeing the up-close materials better again. I can see my favorite fiction up close and personal: just the way I like it. No more peering and squinting in the spirit of group encouragment to get the letters to form themselves, noma'am. Me n' my congenital anomalies will be just fine.

*Myelination of the optic nerve develops embryologically from a posterior to anterior direction. The fibres are grossly Myelinated in the intracranial and intracanal portions of the optic nerve by the seventh month but myelin does not usually reach the lamina cribosa until full term. I{n} some instances the myelin does not stop short at the lamina cribosa but continues into the eye, appearing on ophthalmoscopic examination as bright white flame-shaped streaks, usually contiguous with the margin of the optic disc. These streaks follow the normal course of the retinal nerve fibres and are situated superficially on the disc and retina and hence may cover some of the retinal blood vessels. They give rise to field defects corresponding to their area of projection into the visual field.

06 April 2006

fast car

dreamy by McBeth.

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Any place is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

-Tracy Chapman

04 April 2006

blasted bunnies

wakie up-ie! by McBeth.

The child in me finds the little furry critters adorable in all the fuzziest warmest loveable ways but there is a gun totin' gal inside me ready to sit in my front window all night long, if necessary, to catch the rabbits who have newly discovered the crocus and tulips in my garden bed and who have nibbled them to the earth once already.

I breathed deeply, I counted to ten, I walked inside and played very loud music (okay fine, hippie music doesn't really get all that frenetic regardless of volume, but I did it anyway, just to let those varmints know I meant business).

I have not put fencing up around the garden because - well, because I really don't LIKE fencing. I think it looks possessive and territorial. But if the heads disappear from these crocus again, I may consider creative problem solving solutions such that the bunnies can live peaceably within the same kingdom as me and the bulbs I'm trying to grow.

Happy spring.
(quick, enjoy it before the rabbits eat it all!)

02 April 2006

and when you've exhaled forever

out of the blue by McBeth.

waiting for air to return
waiting for the alveoli to quiver
waiting to be done waiting

you find another note,
a card tucked between the walls of the abbey
which directs you to continue walking the paces
until you can thoroughly explain
to any stranger who might come by

why there may be a good reason to inhale
once more.

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