Protected Witness

intimacy, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Jane's daddy hurt her terribly
He was a nervous sneaky man,
drunken and smelling of sweaty Old Spice.
So she sometimes has to relieve the pressure of
her childhood sins
by slipping away from us
sneaking off to smash her head against hard things
like bloodied brick walls
or by sticking 64 safety pins underneath the skin of her pale forearms.
See, Daddy? I am worthy. I am.
Jesus thinks so.

Estella speaks little English,
her roommate knows only 'mi casa es su casa'.
But the silent language of tears
translates easily to me over our cans of Sprite and packets of crackers
when Estella's purse tips,
and Bethany's cray pas art therapy project is discovered,
the unexplained stardusting of delicate shreds,
along with the rotting reeking remains of
dozens of snitched breakfast items.

David is unable to open up during group
His old girlfriend has just been admitted, he whispers.
And though he's been informed she is on the locked ward
He knows she will eventually be free to roam
on this side of the steel door.
He worries he might harm her
Again,
when he is absent.

Slightly stooped Michael has established
his supremacy over the night.
Overrated unnecessary sleep, ha!
He paces the halls in great loops
remarking as he passes the very beautiful girl
seated in the smoking room
who Joe DiMaggio did well to marry.
Every other lap he winks twice, alternating eyes
one lid bowing cavalierly to Joe's gal, the other to me,
as he turns the corner,
resuming his judicious unraveling of string theory
shoelace by shoelace.

Esther's hands shake absurdly
Jell-O tumbles from the cheap white plastic spoon
cruel green globs dribble down her shirt.
'This is no way to live', she keens to no one in particular.
From the nurse's station, I see dark eyes raise.
Reminders that her food tray will be reviewed
rated
assessed
counted
tabulated,
along with her vocalizations,
and sleep patterns,
and her appearance,
and her cooperation,
and the latest in expressed suicidal ideations,
Compiled into what she will eventually choose to label
'The test I could not pass'.

In the day room
Jesus just broke the D string
of his beloved battered vintage Gibson,
strumming with all his gusto.
I'd hoped to play a quiet hand of Solitaire but could not find a full deck anywhere,
so I gave up my game,
Instead, settling in to watch the presentation.
Jesus' forehead furrows into uncharacteristic grooves --
'I ain't gonna study war no more', he wails.
His swaying groupies know about faith,
Their eyes closed,

They believe.

spring cleaning

As you may already have noticed, I am cleaning house here.

I gave the old blog layout a good long try and while I did like a few things, I just couldn't get myself entirely comfortable with it. I wasn't thrilled with the single column format. I really didn't like having my links -along with everything else- wayyyy down at the bottom of the page. I'm still on the hunt for a free easy-to-use photoblog template for this phlog and would be glad to hear about your experiences using them, if applicable.

If you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a comment, please tell me what you do like about this new template and/or what you're not so crazy about.

namaste, over n' out.

Buddhas

batchabuddhabellies, originally uploaded by McBeth.

The Buddhas do but tell the way; it is for you to swelter at the task.

--Buddha

binding

eat your way out, originally uploaded by McBeth.

If all our happiness is bound up entirely in our personal circumstances it is difficult not to demand of life more than it has to give.

-- Bertrand Russell

refill

fillerup, originally uploaded by McBeth.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

-- Emo Phillips

ch-ch-chaaanges

'tis I, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Getting older means coming to friendly terms with all the things I'm no longer able to do with the grace and ease of my earlier years.

I've recognized my advancing age in the laugh lines that don't stop smiling even after the rest of my face has. I believe this is not very funny, but it's true, there, and appears to be setting up house, so I can either resentfully bitch about it or I can find a way to appreciate the shift. I'm still working on the acceptance bit, but I trust that it will be the best place for me. I believe it is worth working toward.

fate of a nation

moving toward , originally uploaded by McBeth.

In the century now dawning, spirituality, visionary consciousness, and the ability to build and mend human relationships will be more important for the fate and safety of this nation than our capacity to forcefully subdue an enemy. Creating the world we want is a much more subtle but more powerful mode of operation than destroying the one we don't want.


-- Marianne Williamson

seeing clearly

melted gold, originally uploaded by McBeth.

The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something and tell what it saw in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see. To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion, all in one.

--John Ruskin

there's got to be something

trunkcicles, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Life is not easy for any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted in something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.

-- Marie Curie

constraints

hung up, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Whether we like it or not, each of us is constrained by limits on what we can do and feel. To ignore these limits leads to denial and eventually to failure. To achieve excellence, we must first understand the reality of the everyday, with all its demands and potential frustrations.

-- Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

do you know jack?

orange you fond of pink?, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

-- Jack Handey

betwix and between

the familiar unfamiliar, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Between two worlds life hovers like a star, twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge.

-- Lord Byron

we can go on

midday meal, originally uploaded by McBeth.

However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.

-- Muriel Rukeyser

balemtimes

giving it up

s'just another word, originally uploaded by McBeth.

The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.

-- Julia Cameron

three

three poles walk into a bar, originally uploaded by McBeth.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

--Tom Bodett

getting naked, revisited

Was it only two years ago when I first revealed my Deepest Parts? Oh, how the time flies!

I'm not exactly prepared to tell the story of my appreciation for Isthmus Eye Care and, in direct oppositional proportion, my deep deep loathing for Medicare/Medicaid's health, dental and optical care coverage.

With the exception of the cost of the basic exam, I used my income tax refund (+) to pay for the (uncovered) Optoscans, to purchase (uncovered) eyeglass frames that weren't in the pathetic little wallet of ugly Medicare/Medicaid sanctioned frames, and to pay for my (also uncovered) first-time-ever bifocals that the doctor said I would most benefit from wearing.

Not medically necessary my ass, Medicaid.


Ah, and in the interest of full disclosure, I want to mention that I have lightened these two images a smidge. The originals were just too dark to be able to see much. Top image is of my left eye; bottom image is of my right eye.

you don't believe me?

crackerjacks, originally uploaded by McBeth.

"Being a practiced liar doesn't mean you have a powerful imagination. Many good liars have no imagination at all; it's that which give their lies such wide-eyed conviction."

-- Philip Pullman, The Golden Compass

growing

how avalanches are born, originally uploaded by McBeth.

Mighty things from small beginnings grow.

-- John Dryden

drowning

canoe melt, originally uploaded by McBeth.

You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.

-- Edwin Lewis Cole