elephant ear

McBeth.

sometimes the beauty of a leaf shows up without the color distractions.

Photo Friday Challenge: Ghost

McBeth.

I haven't participated in a Photo Friday Challenge in a long while ... it's about time to jump in again.

http://www.photofriday.com

Protected Witness

McBeth.

Jane's daddy hurt her terribly
He was a nervous sneaky man,
drunken and smelling of sweaty Old Spice.
So she sometimes has to relieve the pressure of
her childhood sins
by slipping away from us
sneaking off to smash her head against hard things
like bloodied brick walls
or by sticking 64 safety pins underneath the skin of her pale forearms.
See, Daddy? I am worthy. I am.
Jesus still loves me.

Estella speaks little English,
her roommate knows only 'mi casa es su casa'.
But the silent language of tears
translates easily to me over our cans of Sprite and packets of crackers
when Estella's purse tips,
and Bethany's cray pas art therapy project is discovered,
the unexplained stardusting of delicate shreds
within,
Nesting materials for the rotting reeking remains of
dozens of snitched breakfast items.

David is unable to open up during group
His old girlfriend has just been admitted, he whispers.
And though he's been informed she is on the locked ward
He knows she will eventually be free to roam
on this side of the steel door.
He worries he might harm her
Again,
when he is absent.

Slightly-stooped Michael has established
his supremacy over the night.
Overrated unnecessary sleep, ha!
He paces the halls in great loops
remarking as he passes the very beautiful girl
sitting in the smoking room
that Joe DiMaggio did well to marry her.
Every other lap he winks twice, alternating eyes
one lid bowing cavalierly to Joe's gal, the other to me,
as he turns the corner,
resuming his judicious unraveling of string theory
shoelace by shoelace.

Esther's hands shake absurdly
Jell-O tumbles from the cheap white plastic spoon
cruel green globs dribble down her shirt
'This is no way to live', she keens to no one in particular.
From the nurse's station, I see dark eyes raise.
Reminders that her food tray will be reviewed
Rated
Assessed
Checked
Counted
Analyzed
Tabulated
Discussed,
along with her vocalizations,
and sleep patterns, and her appearance,
and her cooperation,
and the latest in expressed suicidal ideations,
Compiled into what she will eventually choose to label
'The test I could not pass',
Her final grade.

In the day room
Jesus just broke the D string
of his beloved battered vintage Gibson,
strumming with all his gusto.
I'd hoped to play a quiet hand of Solitaire
but could not find a full deck anywhere,
so I gave up the game,
Instead, settling in to watch the presentation.
His forehead furrows into uncharacteristic grooves -
'I ain't gonna study war no more', he wails.
His swaying groupies know about faith,
With their eyes closed,
They believe.

Early Thaw

McBeth.

The ripple of lake sounds, like intimacies breathed
twinkle by sparkling twinkle
in my ear this morning,
ebb twisting itself over flow .

You above me,
In front of me,
behind me rocking
looking at all of me, your early morning repast.
Hungry shore birds, flapping our fluttering anticipation.

You, veritable ice floe,
dripping dripping
drop
melting, streaming off
warm, flesh melts
awakens and eddies,
condenses to rejoin with me,
warm flesh, waiting all those frost-suspended months
downstream.

sweating, revealing
robustly starting,
sharing
claiming, continuing,
given to wanting
giving in to being wanted.


Lazily paddling your finger oar
in circles
through reedy lowlands
to the clearing,
deep and wide,
on the other side
of oh yes,

Lap longingly
bid me dive
unclothed and carefree
into the first fervid waters
of the new season.

any bad hair day can easily be covered with a hat. If you cannot find a hat, you might try a purple scarf.

guess who's working on natural lighting portraits not only in her digital photography but also the 35mm B&W courses?

bite it

McBeth.

some days it feels like the most i'll be capable of is baring my teeth and warning others away.

Thai pavillion

McBeth.

...a flicker of brightness and hope in the midst of Wisconsin dreary winter days

bridge

McBeth.

"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go."

-Tennessee Williams

Scent Haiku Quintet

McBeth.

Patchouli

Lor's personal choice
Now, oh Sapphic calling card,
Karen wears you well.


China Musk

Your vial, wrapped simply
I wore, plus gave as as a gift
But hurled in labor.


Freshly Cut Grass

My independence
Military precision
Cranky push mower


Chanel No.5

Snuck some at Grandma's
My first credit card buy, mmm!
I am a soft girl.


Sweet-sour Sweaty Baby

I kiss the soft nape
Cheerios, powder and sweat
His naptime, my joy.

The grave affair of two old friends

McBeth.

A grave affair, this very unladylike leave-taking

Two long-unpolished vamps,
So far beyond their prime
Immodestly incontinent and offensively
malodorous, as if The Plague has descended upon them
now beg for benevolence,
clamor for compassion

Their tongues lolling, parched and shriveled
Throats withered to thin brittle leather strips

Several recent biopsies have proven
And second opinions have indeed confirmed
the gummy tumors
imbedded deeply in their souls remain
firmly inoperable,
malignant testaments to a lifetime of reckless
and ungoverned living

Still -- They stand resolutely now
And, wearily conceding defeat, they offer their resignation

Each consoles the other,
First, denying the necrosis (clearly visible near their collars)
Then - quietly, gently...
Looking into the leaking well of tears in one another's despairing eyes,
Admits the grim inevitability of their immediate futures

Huddled together, one toes the ground, whispering her
dreams to the other. Of how in their afterlives,
should they have them, they may return
as front yard planters for purple hybrid daisies which will,
come springtime, push up new life through their nutritive soil.

Interweaving laces, they lay down heel-to-heel
Weary
worn thin
offering up their lives in two final squeaks
releasing joy into the universe

Officials have not yet determined whether this will be considered
multiple homicide or a suicide pact.

Movie meme

I'm memeing again. Such a liar. Have I ever memed before? I believe this may be my maiden memeing voyage. C'mon, bat at me with a bottle of champagne ... Wild Turkey? Anything.
(edit: I lied. AGAIN! After some consideration I realized that this wasn't my maiden memeing voyage. Will you still love me in the morning?)

This time I found the goodie on Viv's blog. She said she found this task amusing; me? Not so much. I don't think I CAN come up with twelve movie quotes so I'm taking up her challenge here and now. Bring it on, sister.

1. Pick one dozen movies that are ones that you have special feelings about.
2. Pick a few lines of dialogue that mean something to you.
3. As people guess the film, strike out that entry.
4. If possible, after the film is guessed, explain why that movie made the list.

Now Viv may have the absoloveliest name I've ever wanted to squeeze (next to Nerolie, but that's another story for another time) and Viv may well get a gaggle of visitors necessitating the unveiling of her movie titles. Me & my blog? ummm... not so much about the visitors. Or visiting folk who leave comments (yet. yet?). So I'll plan to post the answers up in approximately one week just to give anyone who feels like meandering into this a fair deal. Bonne chance!

(*additional edit added 25 Jan '05: I don't know the HTML for drawing a line through text so instead I will BOLD the quotations that have been accurately guessed.)

1. "Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about."
KIDS! Nobody guessed this?! It's only from the best, most freaky groovy fantabulous pre-Nemo extravaganza, filmed back in the day when movies were made to be fun and frightening because everyone knew kids were smart enough to hold both fear and humor together in their bulbous little heads at the same time movie ever! 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'!
ooompa looooma doompa-dee-dooo...

2. "One cannot be betrayed if one has no people."
Kaiser Sosa. Does that clue help anyone figure this out?
This quote was from the very smart 'Usual Suspects'. I remember the bleary stupefied sense I had, that "what just happened here?" feeling that hung like a fog the first time I watched this movie. I daren't say too much, in case you haven't seen this movie yet (because you will. trust me, it'll gnaw at you like a prairie mouse at the door of the silo in winter until you do) but what impressed me was this movie's ability to catapult my 'oh, I know what's going to happen to him/her/it next' assumptions far far away. I didn't know I could be so dense. Fabulous.

3. "A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!"
This may be the only movie quote that I have repeated nearly weekly - for years. If you consider that the movie was made in 1987 that's a reasonably respectable rousting run of repetition. See below #4 for the answer.

4. "And if things had gone differently for me tonight then I probably wouldn't be saying any of this. I grant you everything, but give me this - he personifies everything that you've been fighting against. And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? - I buried the lead." (hint: came from same movie as quote #3)
Oh lordy, RUN to pick up a copy of this, all ye cynical lovers of both hearthbreak and humor. 'Broadcast News' made me a fullblooded Holly Hunter fan (I attempted to emulate her making time to cry bit. It didn't work so well for me but that only increased my admiration for her acting skills). The movie also taught me to keep a critical eye toward the surface levels of whatever on first glance seems simple.

5. "Yeah, we saw you and we were like 'whoa', and then you were like 'whoa' and we went, like, 'whoa'."
(*Yes, this came from 'Finding Nemo' and any adult who has not seen this movie yet MUST view it, whether accompanied by children or not. Very sweet. Ellen DeGeneres rocks as Dorie.)

6. "You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard."
(*A certain east coasterererer has a fantastic sense of name placement. This quote came from 'The Hours'.)

7. "I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you ty to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
This quote comes from 'Girl, Interrupted'. Angelina Jolie. Oh yeah whatever, there were some other actors in the film too, but don't pretend you didn't notice there was Angelina Jolie! Oh. Wait. There was something about a story and a plot in there too. And the curious psych experience (ooh, gotta love hospitals with tunnels)... I was diggin' on those too. But there was Angelina Jolie.

8. "I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
(good humorists can be neither felled nor fibbed to. Several of you knew this one immediately; what can I say? I like farts and imagining hamster mommies.) eye heart MONTY PYTHON

9. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
It is my opinion that Baz Luhrmann is a creative genius. If you can lay your hands on a copy of the DVD version of 'Moulin Rouge!', do it. Many impressive production details are included on the DVD version, conceptual stuff on up. I respect that Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor both - actually, really truly sang (and there was much singing!). Neither are particular vocal dynamos, but there's something so much truer in their unprofessional voices; something that gives the rest of the movie's inauthenticity *authenticity*. Also interesting to note, as listed in this IMDB reference: The plot of the movie essentially derives from three operas/operettas. The plot line of a young writer with Bohemian friends who falls in love with a sick girl that eventually dies is from "La Bohème". (Baz Luhrmann directed a stage production of Bohème in Sydney as well as a Broadway production in New York.) The plot line of a courtesan who learns that love can also be true and idealistic comes from "La Traviata". Finally, the plot line of the writer who travels to the 'under world' of the Moulin Rouge to find his love and tries to take her back to the 'upper world' comes from "Orpheus in the Underworld" which is an adaption of the ancient Greek 'Orpheus and Eurydike' myth.

10. "What is this Ethel - Halloween? You tryin' to scare me? Well you're wasting your time! I'm scarier than you any day of the week. So beat it, Ethel! Boo! Better dead than red! Somebody tryin' to shake me up? HAH HAH! From the throne of God in heaven to the belly of hell, you can all fuck yourselves and then go jump in the lake because I'm not afraid of you or death or hell or anything!"
'Angels in America', directed by Mike Nichols, was first released as a play, then a mini-series on HBO. This particular quote, by Roy Cohn (played by Al Pacino), caused the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck to stand at attention and was rasped during his dying days, in a hospital bed, alone, being visited by the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg who Cohn has put to death, along with Rosenberg's husband Julius, years earlier convicted for communist acts & espionage during the the Cold War (the height of McCarthyism). I pitied this sad little dying horrible lump of man and I hated him - SO much. I delighted in his suffering. I loathed myself for delighting in his suffering. And when Roy wasn't being an ass, there were other big things happening with other characters, including angelic unions. 'Angels in America' is the great stick playwright Tony Kushner shakes at HIV/Aids, and should be on your list of "to sees" soon.

11. "You can lose ALL your points for any one of three things: One- If you cry. Two- If you ask to see your mother. Three- If you're hungry and ask for a snack. Forget it!" (hint: foreign flick)
You're not going to rent 'Willy Wonka'? Fine. I don't like your choice but I'll accept it. But THIS one is a different story altogether. 'Life is Beautiful' (La Vita e Bella) is the joyful story of a Jewish man's love, his imagination, and his family. It is the story of grace and glory, of what a parent should be expected to do for a child, a husband for a wife. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
This quote was spoken by the father (Guido) to his son when they reached the concentration camp. I don't want to say more about it for fear of giving anything away. See this film, then we'll talk.

12. "Get the butter."
(*Multiple good guessers here - sweet little deviants, all of you. This was Marlon Brando's quote from 'Last Tango in Paris'. Wow-wee. Pardonez-moi while I fan myself.)

on second thought...

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Read the manual. Get your resolution here.

hallway waiting

McBeth.

hoofbeats
pattering
walking on my grave
tip tap tip tap swish
swash ding

Have you ever felt too awake to lie down
but too tired to stand up?

His department ran out of money.
The story is ... the election...
this is a young go-getter, this guy.

let us go by the bookstore.
Do you suppose we'll find what you're looking for?

Excuse me. Ding.
Swish
Swash.

Yah, I'm going to close one of them this year,
I don't need both accounts.

And I said --
Yah!
Then they were all Oh My God! Jah!

What's your name again? I'll give you my number.
Oh please, I'm too old for that.

Ding!
What foreign languages did you take?
When I was in the army I learned Spanish.
Ding!
Ding.

thud.
thud. swarsh.
ding-ding. DING.

Hujh-a-bujh-a get down rujh-a

Don't you just hate when you can't find the right
Words?

e.u.w. gross

McBeth.

Once there was a rabbit.
It got its head blown off in an unfortunate hunting accident.

Most bunnies would give up but not this rabbit.
No, it magically healed and continued to leap about, headless and fluffy as ever.

Headless bunnies can make do in rabbit society
if they are willing to recognize their headlessness.
Yes, they can get along just fine.

And that's the end of this story.

poetic introduction

McBeth.

His name was Michael, but the Oxford locals called him Hattie Kismet.
He spoke knowledgably; secure that his previous occupations (both as a Bang & Olufsen theater designer and that fun congressional speechwriting volunteer work) would make for interesting stories around the counter at the diner and,
One day, a larger better Him.

He was lean,
A streamlined efficiency home furnishings expert by trade,
An outdoorsman by bliss
Who found his greatest relaxation and joy
either looking out over a pole off the side of a boat
or on top of five please-God, let-them-be-solid inches of ice.

His soul was as clear and wide as a Montana trout stream,
Swiftly fluidly winding from Upper to Lower
Easy working for the sure-footed
A delighted glimpse of rainbows darting just below his surface

Like varities of winged creatures,
His love knew the migratory pathways, flying intercessory miles
between the cold Midwest and the California coast,
touching hearts with the woman he adored,

That beautiful school teacher, his beloved
The dear one who understood the articulate nature of his song,
recognized it immediately, even if he wasn't a Top-40 tune.

He reckoned that not every song was meant to suit each person
He smiled with the mischievousness of a catchy tune
And was excited about the possibilities -
Like turning his 'fuck-they-can-reach-me-everywhere-EVERYwhere!' phone
OFF
for an hour
twice weekly
And, despite possible concern that he wouldn't have time to complete writing worth presenting, he anticipated improving his writerly confidence.

He was a strong young white spruce
riding blind on the back of a flatbed
still growing, still protected by the burlap,
unconcerned about where he may be headed or planted
Confident that the life he was being led toward would be
A playground
without age or height restrictions.

pre-dawn skies, 4:45am, Hornby

McBeth.

melted blueberry crisp bubbling
at the edge of the treeline
waking on the flat
sandstone shoreline

beneath tall carmelized-trunked Arbutus,
wherein the tufts of the highest
freshest, greenest-smelling leaves
sit two raucous eagles hawr-hawring
at the hilarity of their mutual baldness.

examining me over the bleary red edge of my sleeping sack stares a saucer-eyed seal,
bobble-headed curiosity,
standing in dark amusing contrast to the raspberry sorbet layer of
fluffy energy-gathering clouds now hovering above the trees

I recall lying awake in the darkness last night,
me and the dying batteries of my flashlight
Hoping to outlast that hopeless feeling that accompanied my temporary blindness.

now, with the savory course of
eggy over-easiness
served full-up and bright with a short order cook's slapping bell DING
I'd welcome quiet
stillness
sleep.

no resolve

McBeth.

I'd like to think that I'm the singularly original nobody-does-it-better girl but the truth is Orionoir came up with a far better, far quicker response to the new year than anything I'd attempted. Yeah, okay so it might be the chundering effects of his chemotherapy which led him to pre-plan his blogging (and really, you gots to give the kudos to the boy if he's that full of foresight that he'd plan his blogging in advance for the time he'd be offline during his chemical flogging, but I digress...) Hang on -- he's a guy! *ding* So maybe I'll continue carrying this ridiculous belief that I'm the pseudo "IT" girl for a while longer. Just a little while. Not long at all, really. Mostly I'm hoping his barf-o-matic ride will be a short one.

Alrighty, here is my meme:

* I resolve not to hesitate when I'm unsure. This should cover menu choices, buying books based solely on the titles, and all matters of dressing myself.

Last year's thinking: "Gosh, should I wear the underwear today?" The new and constantly improving 2005 thought process: "Underwear? HA! And for that matter what's the deal with pants? Who needs 'em?"

* I resolve not to paint my cats in 2005. Simply because I CAN mess with them does not mean I SHOULD mess with them.

* I resolve not to be a square mother in aught-five. I'll get tight with my baby's shizzle, be da bomb maw, best love in the 'hood. The only trouble I may encounter with this one is that - well - my baby's shizzle may not wantza du get tight, y'all. I may have to conceal my supa-mothah status under a veil of boring white middle-aged woman.

* I resolve not to replace all the light bulbs with the super-compact energy efficient numbers. This is a two-parter, really. The energy efficient compacts give off shit light (hey, y'all ever heard of non-yellow, non-oranged light you freaktastic bulb designers? So what if you concocted the cutesy swirl design - don't bother knocking until you have a swirly energy efficient bulb by which I can read... then we'll talk).

What direction have I to travel toward if not for the blessing of my energy inefficient heel dragging? It's a slippery slope, you see... first she goes all energy efficient bulbs, next thing ya know she's moved her house right straight off the grid, eating self-raised ostrich and making quilts using dryer lint from the solar-powered dryer out back. I'm not prepared to be such a progressive citizen. Not before 2010, at any rate, and that's why it really is just best that I put the kai-bosh on the total replacement of my old Reveal blue light light bulbs.

* I resolve not to eat less than heavenly food. I will delight in soft bries, mousse torte, homemade mushroom soup and the occasional bag of Cheetos (if a nibble on a cheese toe will put me one stop closer to the celestial joy of a saturated salivating taste bud).

* I resolve not to travel far without my new thesaurus. I mean, uh, my fresh modern original au courant lexiconography, a veritable glossarist collection of words.

* I resolve not to receive a gift until I am fully prepared to write a thank you note in return. While her methodology may have left something to be desired, my mother's force-feedings on good manners gruel DID teach me how to properly behave; responding appropriately seems like one of those things I can pay my time and attention to.

* I resolve not to be quite the usual passive-aggressive tool I want to be when I get mad (frustrated, tired, bored...).

* I resolve not to leave all those Teleflora vases empty this year. Vase usage stats are not available (read: I have no bloody idea how many of them are currently stored in the hard-to-reach high cabinets, nor how they manage to reproduce adorable bud vases at those astonishing rates). Okay, so for the sake of choosing a number: one. I can surely keep ONE vase filled with a fabulous floriculture fixing.

* I resolve not to purchase any books authored by Dr. Phil McGraw, even though I generally espouse his theories on child-rearing and family cohesiveness. How's that workin' for me? Gr-rrr-rrreat.

* I resolve not to forget how much I get out of the following magazines (the winners names will be announced in no particular order. If your name is called please come forward to the podium to receive your award): Rolling Stone, Wired, PC World, Reason, Bon Appetit, National Geographic (your moon spread was dee-lish). You each bring me joy and I want you to know how much I appreciate you

* I resolve not to panic.
(I'm such a liar. Of course I'll panic, it's what I do. But maybe during my panic moments 'oh yeah, I resolved not to do this' will make the moments shorter, or fewer and further between.)

* I resolve not to pass on presented opportunities to be loved. Furthermore, I resolve not to neglect making opportunities to give love out. The particular commodity is self-replenishing and is always always always available both to give away and to get back. It just makes sense.

baubles

McBeth.

She was occasionally driven to distraction by materials both soft and shiny.