11 May 2008

mother's day

Oh, what a complicated blend of frustration, envy, anger, hopelessness, commitment and deep deep love I have with my mother.

I admire her for so so so many of her fine qualities. She is gentle, especially with the children she works with in the public schools, kids who don't have anything near that kind of compassion and patience with their own parents.

I was angry for a long time, probably too long, when my son was young, when my mom would let other people's kids call her 'gramma' because they either didn't know their own grandparents, or the kids' grandparents lived across the country, making relationship difficult. That's how she is though, giving out so much to others, sometimes more than I personally think she ought.

I'm sure I did things that embarrassed my mother along the years. I sometimes used my smart mouth to my own disadvantage, I have a vigorous stubborn streak (still).

I'd like to say to you today mom, I think we've done alright despite our imperfections. I continue to love you beyond measure. And I hope I am shaping up to be the person you hoped I'd grow up to be.


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