There are times when life is hard and then there are times when life is hard AND I cannot find my diaphragmatic muscles, causing my breathing to come shallowly and in a slightly panicked fashion.
These days? They're the latter. And me? I'm a latter-day diaphragmatic spaz--breather without so much as a 12-stepper 'hey yah, I know whatcha mean yah hey' group.
Several things are not going the way I'd like them to.
* My computer died. Grisly. Gruesome. Unending bootup sequence for which I am inept to do a supergeek move by regediting and using this UBCD download to line edit.
* Homework, homework, homework. Who'd have imagined some of it would be weather dependent? But there are no photos worth the shooting outside if there isn't a good light situation.
* My school financial aid. In a phrase: It ISN'T. The award letter I was supposed to have received last week? Not here yet. The money? That's not around either. If ever you feel the need to sit through a 45 minute appointment for no reason whatsoever, just to cry, embarrass yourself and to get no solution I've got the perfect head of the financial aid dept. guy for you. Oh, one warning: He'll set up appointmnts but don't expect him to run on time for them.
* I am very sad about the purgatorial state in which my computer currently stands.
I miss her. I NEED her!
* Two relatives, both technologically illiterate but driving computers using their fake I.D.s, have had a miasma of computer troubles the past two days. I don't know why I'm suddenly some go-to for tech problems ... I fix my own whenever I can, which is exactly what I think each person should do (fix HER/HIS OWN). I'm tempted to giftwrap the owners manuals for both family members. Here. Read THIS, dorkus.
* I'm fairly certain that my child with the very very l-l-o-o-o-wwwwww voice is speaking extra-quietly, just to piss me off. Not that he WOULD do that for fun, but he could, and he might, and just knowing both possibilities exist makes me bats.
* Friends have been petty. I'm preparing to spend less time with them, despite the fact that I truly do enjoy their company, if they can't pull their collective heads out of their own asses enough to realize that they are not, in fact, the center of the universe. Stand in line and be prepared to wait a while. Until then, deal with it.
* UP, UP with antidep's, according to the pdoc today. Whee. Tis the season.
* Brought out the S A D light in prep for the next ~mumble~ months in a Northern climate with fucked up daylight - soon to be changing such that it will be even more screwy.
* I am petty and small when I feel powerless in myself. So I, in turn, shift that to other people and I nitpick. Don't get it? Okay, here I'll illustrate what I mean:
It makes me cry to think that my ex g/f is offering me kind thoughts, support and love - love~!- at my current state of affairs... when we last left off (in personal terms) at her saying 'I will not talk about feelings or about me anymore. I can't and I won't'. Neato. Fly the coop then offer me love a goddamned year or more later, like that fixes everything. And hey, to make it extra-interesting, let's never discuss why you thought we broke up. Maybe you'll give me a chance to talk this time, and maybe with your mouth shut you'll discover that you made incorrect assumptions. Like that silly old assumption where you thought I wanted to break things off with you. Ha ha ha Ain't that just a kneeslapper.
I guess it all stands to reason that I am not a particularly happy-feeling gal these days. Don't put fingers inside my cage.
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