24 December 2005

happy Chrisnukahkwanstice to you and yours.




Please accept with no obligation, implicit or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with total respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, and their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (not to imply the Britain is necessarily greater than any other country nor is it the only BRITAIN" in the northern hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual orientation and choice of computer platform of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wishee actually to implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the
wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

19 December 2005

what is your deepest conviction?


"A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble."

--
Mahatma Gandhi

18 December 2005

I stabbed myself with my splayd.


Don't ever call this thing a spork.
It isn't one. This creature - the spoon/blade - was invented by WIlliam McArthur in 1943. I learned much about these beautiful creatures when I dated still-beloved-aussie-gal Sara for several years. I brought what I believe is this exact cased set of splayds home from Melbourne along with me. I'm sure it was my kid who lost the one which now remains missing - I was heartsick when I was no longer able to could six of them in the silverware drawer and he didn't seem to be the least bit concerned so sure, let's blame him for the moment.

Here's the important bit: do NOT attempt to use one of these to get food into your mouth if you are not fully and entirely awake with all your faculties to guide you (and the splayd).

They bite. And sometimes they'll even draw blood. It's true! I have a puncture wound in my upper lip where I made a wayward attempt to put lunch into my mouth to prove it.

I missed the hole in the middle of my lips. OW.

That's all. You are dismissed.

Not only does Santa distribute packages, sometimes he also has to adjust them


The Big Man himself paid a visit to a Dodgeville, WI Culver's Frozen Custard restaurant this weekend.

[side note: for those not in the know, frozen custard is just this side of heaven. If you haven't tried it, please add it to the list of things to do before you die. It's just one of those very nice things. Got it? 'K, good.]

Before making his grand entrance Santa prepared himself in his Santerly way, though he clearly didn't know that there were folks out in the dining area with cameras at the ready who could see him *koff* shifting his package around. After he turned to see me snapping away, he laughed a ho ho ho (kids at the next table donchaknow) and said "Don't you know that Santa likes to know when he's having his picture taken?". I winked back at him, replying "Oh yes, but I saw what Santa was busy doing back there."

I shook his gloved hand and we exchanged knowing smiles.

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